Paddy’s Macbeth

Act V, Scene I

Dunsinane. A room in the castle.

Enter a Doctor of Physic and a Waiting-Gentlewoman.

Lady Macbeth is sleeping in her bed.

Doc: You reported to me that the queen does strange things while she is sleeping. When was it she last did this and when does it start at night?

G (looking at her Rolex): I think you arrived at the right time. She will do it in a minute. Yes, look!

Lady Macbeth rises from her bed, but hits a lamp with her head and falls back into the bed.

Doc: What the hell…? That’s all?

G: That’s all. She repeats that every night and in the morning she has a headache.

Gentlewoman points to a basket full of empty Aspirin-packs.

Doc: erm, what a great perturbation in nature.

G: What do you think to do now, doctor?

Doc: I go to sleep now.

G (angry): I mean, how will you cure her from her suffering?

Doc: With Aspirin.

G (becoming red with anger): I MEAN, HOW WILL YOU CURE HER FROM HER UNSUCCESSFUL SLEEP-WALKING?

Doc: Now I got it! I have the answer. My great intelligence showed me the right way: We take the lamp away!

Doctor very happy of his great idea. Gentlewoman hits her open hand against her head.

G: Okay, I give up. God or Satan, or whatever. You have won. Please deliver me from him.

A lightning strikes from the heaven (here in the play symbolized by a lightning made out of paper) and hits Gentlewoman. She dies. Artificial blood splashes around and hits Lady Macbeth. She awakes and sees the doctor pulling the dead body out of the room.

Lady M: Hey! What are you doing in my sleeping room?

Lady Macbeth has a premonition and is shocked.

Lady M: Get out of here you pervert or I will have you executed.

Exit Doctor.

Lady Macbeth sees the blood on her hands and is even more shocked.

Lady M: God! Is this a symbol? Do you want to see me suffer? I know that I have done wrong deeds. Will these hands never be clean again? Here is the smell of the blood; all the perfumes of Arabia will not sweeten this little hand. Oh, oh, oh! What can I do to get your favour, God? Should I sacrifice myself? It shall be done!

Lady Macbeth runs around and climbs up a ladder.

Lady M: Here I am, God. Now take me!

Lady Macbeth jumps down from the ladder and dies. A “Game-Over”-Sound of a videogame is played and the curtains close.